“All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well That Sounds Terrifying…
Yup! All that emotional distress is exactly what is causing dis-ease and (more importantly) lack of ease and flow in life. There is nothing so sweet as being able to trust life and nothing so stressful as being unable to.
I share a bit of my personal experience with this here.
There are really 3 parts to “letting things be as they are”:
- Simply noticing that your trying to control/manipulate your experience. (This is the reason we meditate)
- Letting go of your beliefs that you SHOULD try and control your experience. (De-Storying, and Self-Inquiry)
- “Digesting” all those feelings that go “Oh hell no!” This is all the energy that is feeding your beliefs and making it seem so scary to simply trust life, which is honestly the simplest and easiest thing in the world. (Emotional Digestion, and Somatic Release Therapies)
This page is all about #1. We have been trying to control the outcome since we first discovered that we could get more candy from mom and dad if we change our behavior.
So I Shouldn’t Change My Behavior?
This is usually the next thing I hear when teaching this topic. The answer in this case is yes and no.
Yes there is benefit to behaving in certain ways. This is one of the primary things that keeps our society functioning so well historically. Just like the 1st question the “control” part doesn’t come with the behavior but with the demand on that behavior.
Thanks to my great parents, schooling, and other social interactions I have come to learn that certain behaviors have a tendency to affect others around me in predictable ways.
If, for example, I value having good friendships…it is through this beneficial conditioning from society that I know they are more likely to feel loved and appreciated if I thank them occasionally and perhaps share how their actions benefited me. (Thanks so much for helping me fix my furnace, I feel so much less anxious now that I know I will have a warm house.)
The “no” comes in with the demand on how that behavior affects others or benefits me. I can’t MAKE my friends feel loved and appreciated nor would I say thank you just so they are more likely to help next time. The best I can do is share my experience in a desire to connect but how I share is something I learned and continue to improve in time.
So Just Notice Myself Doing It?
Yup, that’s the 1st step. Since we have been doing it for as long as we can remember and do it ALL the time it’s become so habitual the 1st thing we want to do is simply catch ourselves in the act.
Just catch it and it will stop?
Yes and no. (Getting tired of that answer yet?)
- If you catch yourself (step #1)
- You trust (steps #2 and #3)
- And you actually WANT to stop controlling then yes it’s that simple. Notice it and it organically changes.
Seem to easy? Let’s try a little practice…
Up Last: But…(and Meditation Practice)